episode 3:the one where ross tries cyberdating

brief reminder of last episode:rachel celebrates her birthday in hospital.ani and joey fight for pheebs and ani breaks joey's jaw.ross and chandler meet a nurse.

lets see whats happening today.

chandler:"how is your jaw today?"

joey:"still broken........and now i have a broken heart too"

pheebs:"ani is my hero"

ani:"i feel like superman"

joey:"superman doesnt breaks jaws of good people"

monica:"leave that topic"

pheebs:"mon...is jealous of me.after all they didnt fight for her"

chandler:"i am ready to fight with the whole world for monica"

ross:"looks like world war 3 is going to happen"

rachel:"please....dont talk about violence .....its not good for my baby"

monica:"yeah.its good for the unborn babies...if the mother talks about good things like love"

joey:"oh my god....i am an unborn baby"

mon:"what?"

joey:"i want to talk about love too"

chandler:"someone....please breast feed joey....anyone except monica.she is mine"

ani:"and pheebs is mine"

ross:"and rach is mine"

joey:"so who is mine?"

pheebs:"god is with you chandler"

joey:"i dont want to be loved by god"

chandler:"yeah...whom do god love die young"

ani:"pheebs....will you like to move in with me"

pheebs:"its too soon.we need to spend some more time together"

joey:"thats the good approach pheebs...you must make sure that you know someone really well before........."

chandler:"well said joey.but its scary to hear you saying wise words and using words like approach..its just like seeing a cockroach in bathroom.are you really joey?"

ani:"we just spend another one minute together.....can we move in now?"

joey:"its the wrong approach ani and pheebs......there are cockroach in his bathroom."

ani:"i dont need cockroach in my bathroom.i need pheebs"

pheebs:"are you inviting me to your bathroom?"

ross:"do you know that a cockroach can live even after you cut his head"

ani:"a cockroach can live without its head?"

chandler:"joey has been successfully living without one so far."

joey:"yeah..there are no cockroach in my room"

rachel:"why do we have to keep talking about wars and cockroach?cant we talk about something sweet?"

ani:"lets talk about pheebs.she is the sweetest"

monica:"chandler....do you want to say something?"

chandler:"why?no?"

mon:"of course you want to say something"

chandler:"i think its you who wants to says omething."

mon:"dont you think i am the sweetest?"

chandler:"i will have to taste you for that"

mon:"what?"

chandler:"you are the sweetestest."

ani:"pheebs is the sweetestestest."

chandler:"are we having a contest here?"

joey:"we are contestestest"

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{AND YES...I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ALL THAT ROSS IS CHATTING WITH A GIRL NICAMO.ROSS HAD A FAKE PROFILE WHICH SAID THAT HE WAS AN ASTRONAUT}

nicamo:"so you are an astronut?"

ross:"its not nuts...its naut.....astronaut"

nicamo:"i am sorry"

ross:"please dont say sorry.hot girls dont say sorry."

nicamo:"why cant hot girls say sorry?"

ross:"i dont know.....well........"

nicamo:"what are you doing now?"

ross"just finished weight lifting"

nicamo:"you must have a strong arm."

ross:"i am like armstrong"

nicamo:"what?"

ross:"neil armstrong"

nicamo:"have you ever been to moon"

ross:"no..but i will take you there someday."

nicamo:"why me..we havent even met....."

ross:"coz i like you.do you know that on moon there is less gravity.we can try any position we want."

nicamo:"how can you like me?we have just met two minutes ago and havent even seen each other.what happens in 2 minutes?"

ross:"noodles are made in two minutes."

nicamo:"i love noodles"

ross:"i love you"

nicamo:"seriously...love is not like noodles"

ross:"but you are like a noodle......long thin strip...................."

nicamo:"did you just told me to strip?"

ross:"i meant you are like a noodle.....long thin strip of pasta.....i mean slim and tall"

nicamo:"how can you tell that i am slim and tall.you havent yet seen me or my pictures"

ross:"i guessed"

nicamo:"thats a smart guess"

ross:"thanks for calling me smart"

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{CHANDLER AND RACHEL ARE AT A MULTIPLEX}

chandler:"its after a lot of days that i am seeing a movie and mon is not with me....and that too on a mon-day."

rachel:"i am with you and hey..........monday was not named after mon"

chandler:"but please dont tell it to monica.she really believes it."

rachel:"so you mean to say that calendar was named after chandler?"

chandler:"no....but this is a good idea.i wonder what ross and monica are up to..they both sit with your laptop and chat for hours and that too with total strangers"

rachel:"and that explains why we are here and they are not"

chandler:"i love these batman movies.and hey and dont again tell me to see a little less of e and a little more of espn.now i can even tell the difference between a batsman and a batman"

rachel:"yasterday i caught you watching pussy cat dolls"

chandler:"you didnt caught me"

rachel:"you are right............it was monica who caught you"

chandler:"there's nothing wrong in watching them"

rachel:"dont you wish your girlfriend was hot like me."

chandler:"i do"

rachael:"dont say 'i do'.you already said that to monica."

chandler:"i know"

rachael:"dont cha chandler"

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{ANI,PHEEBS AND JOEY ARE TALKING}
ani:"why do you have to be with us always?"

joey:"coz i want to be with pheebs...always...on all ways."

ani:"no way"

pheebs:"i love it when you both fight for me"

joey:"my jaw still hurts"

ani:"we need jaw 2"

joey:"i liked that movie..those sharks were cool"

ani:"JAW 2 means Joey Ani War 2"

ani:"pheebs..can you move in with me now?"

pheebs:"i dont know.."

joey:"good pheebs...and ani dont kiss her again"

ani:"this year 2008 has not only been a leap year...it has also been a lip year to me"

joey:"so far i have kissed 8 girls 9 times."

ani:"which girl kissed u twice?"

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{ROSS IS STILL CHATTING WITH NICAMO}
ross:"the one girl to write right after me is the hottest girl here"

nicamo:"there is only one girl here and thats me"

ross:"oh my god....you just won the hot girl challenge"

nicamo:"thanks .what do i get"

ross:"dvd of zurasic park."

nicamo:"are you ross?????????"

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ross:"monica..i cant believe that you were nicamo."

chandler:"ross....i cant believe that you were cyberdating my wife."

ross:"no.i wasnt"

monica:"see pheebs...they are fighting for me"

pheebs:"ani....fight with joey.slap him"

joey:"oww....why you slapped me ani."

rach:"ani..will you do anything which pheebs will tell you to do?"

ani:"ani thing."

rach:"pheebs....tell ani to wash the dishes"

ani:"when will we move in together pheebs"

pheebs:"after you wash the dishes"

episode 2:the one where joey and ani fight for pheebs

brief recap of last episode:rachael's birthday is next day.ross goes to attend a prize ceremony but he returns without getting any prize.pheebs meet a boy called ani.and yes rach is pregnant again.

so lets see whats happening today.

{rachael felt a little uncomfortable and she is in hospital.the gang at present is in wating room}

ross:"i hope rach is okay...i am so worried."

mon:"she is doing fine ross.dont worry"

ross:"i cant stop worrying."

pheebs:"and i cant stop thinking about ani."

chandler:"and i cant stop thinking why you both cant stop?"

joey:"hey i have a good news and a great news"

pheebs:"whats the good news?"

joey:"a tarot card reader told me that i will meet a girl whose name starts with 'P' and she will change my life"

mon:"and whats the great news?"

joey:"pamela anderson's name starts with 'P' "

chandler:"pamela and her son and her kid.....PAMELA ROCKS"

joey:"i know"

chandler:"do they show baywatch here at hospital?"

mon:"no"

chandler:"i know patients have weak heart here.when they will watch pamela running they may run out of oxygen"

ross:"yeah....and thats the best thing about dinosaurs.they did'nt had a heart attack"

chandler:"did your dinosaurs had heart"

mon:"joey...'P' is for penelope too"

joey:"yeah...but i prefer pam"

pheebs:"what about polly?"

joey:"oh my god....i have a lot of options.there are a lot of girls whose name starts with 'P'...take polly......and there are a lot of girls whose name is polly."

ross:" 'P' is for PTERODACTYL too."

joey:"what this ptero thing of yours a female dinosaur?"

mon:"joey...do you believe in all this?"

joey:"yes ..i do.'P' is for prudence,patricia,phyllis ..polly ..paul....."

mon:"paul is a boy"

joey:"i meant paula"

pheebs:" 'P'is for pheebs too"

joey:"oh my god"

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{PHEEBS AND ANI ARE TALKING}

ani:"i loved the song you wrote for my cat"

pheebs:"i love your cat"

ani:"i love you"

pheebs:"oh my god...i just had an idea.....i will have a pet cat too...then i and you and our pet cat can go on date at the same time"

ani:"that would be great"

{joey enters with roses in his hands}

joey:"pheebs...i was thinking for hours and now i am sure that you are the girl who will change my life"

ani:"wait a minute ...pheebs is changing my life"

joey:"i waited for my whole life.i cant wait for a minute"

ani:"pheebs...what do you think?"

pheebs:"oh my god....i am at the centre of a love tringle"

joey:"count my girl friend too...four people in love make a love square."

ani:"stop talking about triangles and squares.....love and geometry are two different things..........i love pheebs ..thats all"

joey:"i love pheebs too"

pheebs:"i love pheebs too"

joey:"what?"

pheebs:"everyone should love himself"

joey:"you are right pheebs....and you know what....we know each other for years and you met ani only one day ago"

ani:"i love myselt too"

joey:"dude...loving yourself is masturbating"

pheebs:"i am so confused..both of you are nice"

ani:"i will do ani thing for you pheebs"

joey:"can you live me and pheebs alone....i am in true love for the first time in my life"

ani:"love is not a true or false question"

joey:"so what is love?"

ani:"love is looking at pheebs for ever"

joey:"okay...let me marry her and i will let you look at her for ever"

pheebs:"oh my god...they are fighting for me"

ani:"everything is fair in love and war.we all are in love ...all we need now is war"

joey:"are you challenging me to wrestle?"

pheebs:"i will be the refree"

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{AT HOSPITAL}
{rach is sleeping.mon is sitting near her and ross and chandler are talking outside}

ross:"you know what...?"

chandler:"what"

ross:"forget it"

chandler:"i dont know it yet..how can i forget it"

ross:"that nurse keeps smiling at me"

chandler:"your fly is open"

ross:"girls think i am hot"

chandler:"girls cant think"

ross:"you are jealous of me"

chandler:"i am ?"

ross:"look she smiled again"

chandler:"she is smiling at me"

ross:"no....she is ..."

chandler:"lets ask her"

{the nurse walks together chandler}

nurse:"do you remember me chandler?"

chandler:"yes.who are you?"

nurse:"i am your neighbour"

chandler:"never"

nurse:"so ..it must have been another chandler"

{she walks away}

ross:"you knew that girl?"

chandler:"yes...we dated for a minute"

ross:"did you mean we dated for a month?"

chandler:"by the word minute i mean minute"

ross:"tell me everything"

chandler:"well..she was a sweet innocent girl back then..she was like a girl next door and actually she lived next door to me.it was our first date and ........i cant tell it"

ross:"i think i know about this one.isnt it the same girl with whom you went on date but ran away because you had to go to bathroom"

{suddenly the nurse jumps from behind}

nurse:"i knew you remembered me.....why did you did this to me?"

chandler:"can i tell something?"

nurse:"what?"

chandler:"where's the bathroom"

nurse:"these are the worse 3 words anyone ever told me"

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{IN HOSPITAL.....ROOM NUMBER 202}

ross:"happy birthday rach."

joey:"HBR"

rach:"whats that?"

pheebs:"oh...joey has abroken jaw.....hbr means happy birthday rach"

rach :"what happened joey?"

mon:"you all couldnt even arrange for a table?having birthday cake on a stretcher is odd...hey chandler and joey...careful....the cake shouldnt fall"

chandler:"blow the candles rach"

pheebs:"and dont count the candles.....we were short of 5 candles"

rach:"i feel 5 years younger"

{enters ani}

ani:i am sorry that i am late...HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHEEBS"

pheebs:"thanks"

rach:"i am the birthday girl"

joey:"he is the one who broke my jaw"

rach:'why ani?"

ani:"we were fighting for pheebs.now joey has a broken jaw and i have pheebs."

rach:"pheebs...ani brought that present for me....i am the birthday girl"

ani:"everything i have belongs to pheebs"

chandler:"and everything i have belongs to mon."

mon:"except that nurse of yours."

chandler:"ross......are you a girl?cant you keep anything to yourself"

mon:"is she better looking than me."

chandler:"why do i have to answer this question everytime?"

episode 1:rachael is pregnant again

{rachael's bithday is next day.they have just returned from medical check up.rachael is pregnant again}

rach:"oh my god.if ross hadnt attented that seminar and if he hadnt been away for one whole month........i and my daughter would have the same birthday"

joey:"how do you know its a girl?"

ross:"i am sorry but that seminar meant so much to me"

rach:"and i dont mean anything?"

ross:"you mean sooooooooooooooooooooo much to me."

monica:"i am so happy for you both."

chandler:"and i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy."

pheebs:"so..ross...you are not going to attend this one.are you?"

rach:"what are you talking about?"

ross:"i was about to tell you darling......."

rach:"what?"

ross:"i have...................."

pheebs:"ross is going to attend a prize ceremony today"

ross:"let me explain"

pheebs:"okay....explain"

ross:"this prize means so much to me"

pheebs:"thats an explanation?"

ross:"let me talk to rach."

pheebs:"dont scream ross.baby girl is sleeping."

joey:"hey...how do you all know that its a baby girl?she is not borned yet.am i the only person who doesnt know?"

rach:"how can you do this ross?"

chandler:"how can you dooooooooooooooooooooooo this ross?"

pheebs:"yeah..how can you do this ross?"

joey:"do i have to say it too?"

ross:"no joey.and mon.....only you can help me.i will be back before the birthday party"

mon:"who wants cookies?"

ross:"mon...stay here.why are you leaving?"

chandler:"she is leaving because you want to leave rach....and rach wants to live with you forever...and how can you get first prize.its mon who should get all th eprizes.she is the number one."

ross:"i cant even think of leaving her.its just for a day.plus i will be back before the party.i promise."

rach:"i dont know........."
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{AT A GIFT SHOP}
salesgirl:"what can i do for you mam?"

pheebs:"can you take care of this while i search for a birthday gift for my best friend..i mean a friend...no she is my best friend"

sales girl:"sure...........whats it?"

pheebs:"shhhhhhhhh......talk slowly.you will wake my grand mother"

{pheebs spots joey at the counter}

joey:{to clerk}"how much does this purse costs?"

clerk:"sir..its..."

joey:"leave it.i dont have enough money in my purse to buy this purse"

{joey turns and is surprised to find pheebs}

joey:"please dont tell rach what i brought for her birthday present.its a surprise"

pheebs:"you never brought anything"

joey:"thats why i dont want you to tell her"

pheebs:"look at that boy.he is cute"

joey:"he is a girl"

pheebs:"no..she is a boy."

joey:"lets have a bet.if she is a boy you can go out with him.and if he is a girl he is mine"

pheebs:"no.whatever he is.....a boy or a girl....he is cute and he is mine"

joey:"she is a girl pheebs.i have been with thousands of girls."

pheebs:"what?"

joey:"okay....i have been with hundreds of girls"

pheebs:"what?"

joey:"she is leaving.."

pheebs:"todai i knew the true meaning of 'love at first sight'.you dont get a chance to have a second sight'

joey:"hot girl...i am coming"
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monica:"dont worry rachael.we still have one day left in your birthday.i am sure ross will be back in time"

chandler:"after all he loves you soooooooooo much"

rach:"i dont know....."

mon:"dont worry sweetie.........you and your baby needs rest.i will take care of everything"

chandler:"i am sure you will"

mon:"where is pheebs?"

joey:"she is in love with the hottest girl on this planet"

mon:"she is not in love with me"

chandler:"by the word planet did you mean this room joey......?"

mon:"and honey ....by the word room did you meant this planet?dont you think i am the hottest girl on earth?"

chandler:"i think you are the hottest girl.the other girls are hot only when they have fever.i also think that kevin federline is the hottest......."

{enters pheebs}
pheebs:"you all wont believe what happened to me"

chandler:"i still cant believe what happened to me"

pheebs :"what happened to me"

chandler:"oh my god....pheebs has turned into joey....she is talking to me and she is in love with a girl"

joey:"then what have i turned into?"

monica:"what happened to you pheebs?"

pheebs:"i and joey met a really cute boy at the gift shop"

joey:"he was a girl"

mon:"you both cant even tell he was a boy or a girl?"

rach:"may i say something?"

pheebs:"no"

rach:"what?"

pheebs:"ok...you said something.now go to sleep"

chandler:"i bet she was a girl"

joey:"i even pictured her naked..she was hot"

monica:"complete your story pheebs.i am dying with suspence"

chandler:"suspense?the onlything i am getting is suspisicion.did you both saw two different persons?"

pheebs:"i followed him"

joey:"i followed him too"

pheebs:"but you took the wrong bus."

chandler:"bus is short for Boy U Suck"

pheebs:"i kissed him and his name is ani"

joey:"he is a girl."

pheebs:"i dont know he is a boy or a girl.the only thing i know that it was the best kiss i ever had"

mon:"wait a minute...you kissed him and you dont know he is a boy or a girl?"

rach:"when will ross return?his dinosaur talk was better than this."

pheebs:"i have his address."

{she pulls out a piece of paper......joey snatches it and runs away.pheebs run after him}

chandler:"its after a lot of days that i saw a girl running after joey."

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{joey is about to knock at the door when pheebs comes running}

pheebs:"you cant ruin this for me joey"

{the door opens and comes out ani}

joey:"oh my god you are a boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

pheebs:"i won"

ani:"i lost a bet and i had to dress like a girl...but are you blind?"

pheebs:"love is blind"
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rach:"you are back ross.thanks a lot...but it has been only four hours since you left...."

mon:"and where's the trophy?"

ross:"see what i brought for you mon"

mon:"nice try.where is the trophy."

joey:"i cant believe it.....she is a boy"

chandler:"and you even pictured him naked..eww"

pheebs:"and we are going to see a movie tonight"

ross:"which movie?"

mon:"dont change the topic ross.you didnt got the trophy ...did you?"

ross:"no.....and dont ask me why."

mon:"why cant i ask a why?"

ross:"i dont want to talk about it"

chandler:"i have faith in you ross....i know you cant get a trophy."

{a knock at the gate...enters ani}

pheebs:"everyone...this is ani.we are going to see a movie."

ani:"hiii"

ross:"seriously dude.are u a girl?"